Sascha’s Secret Love Letter #50
Quotes From The Heart
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all."
— Emily Dickinson
Dickinson wrote this as a poem about resilience, and it's one of the most quietly radical things ever said about hope that it doesn't ask for anything in return, doesn't require evidence, just keeps going. In the context of dating, especially after disappointment, hope gets a bad reputation. It's confused with naivety or delusion. But the kind Dickinson describes isn't blind. It's just persistent. And persistence, in love, is not a character flaw.
Try this: Write down one thing about love or connection you still genuinely hope for not what you've been told to hope for, but what your own heart keeps returning to.
This Week In Love
What Your Romantic Expectations Are Actually Doing to Your Happiness Right Now
A 2026 study from the University of Toronto's MacDonald Lab found that the expectations single people hold about romantic relationships predict their happiness whether they end up in a relationship or not. Women in the study held significantly higher intimacy expectations for relationships than men and also reported higher satisfaction with being single. Researchers described this as viewing romance as a "mixed blessing." The practical implication matters: if your belief about what love will require of you is predominantly about cost rather than gain, that belief shapes your experience before love has even arrived.
Question for you: What is your honest expectation about what a relationship would add to your life right now and has that expectation shifted over the years?
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The Effort That's Actually Working Against You
There's a version of persistence that builds something real. And there's a version that just keeps you in the same place longer, exhausted, wondering why you're not getting somewhere.
Most of us were taught that love worth having requires work. And that's true, to a point. But there's a difference between two people choosing to show up for each other through difficulty, and one person doing all the showing up while the other coasts or stays half-present or remains fundamentally unavailable.
The effort that's required in a forced connection isn't building anything. It's just keeping something alive that doesn't have enough life in it on its own.
I think the hardest part isn't recognizing this intellectually. Most people already know. The hard part is giving yourself permission to stop, especially when you've already invested so much and walking away feels like losing rather than choosing yourself.
This week's video is a direct, honest look at why that investment logic keeps people stuck, and what becomes possible when you finally stop.
Try this now: Ask yourself honestly: do you feel more like yourself in this relationship, or less? That answer matters more than how long you've been in it.
Curious Questions
Q: How do you know when a connection is real versus something you're forcing?
A) It feels easy to be myself 🪞
B) I stop overthinking everything 🧠
C) The effort feels mutual 🤝
D) My body just relaxes 🕊️
Hit reply with A/B/C/D — all responses are anonymous. We'll share results in next week's newsletter.
Last week's results are in.
We asked: What's your honest relationship with dating apps right now?
45.45% of women voted that they never really used them.
Thank you to everyone who replied.
Your Secret Invitation
I've been rereading The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, and it's remarkable how current a book from 1956 still feels. Fromm noticed that most people treat love as a question of being loved, of how to be attractive or impressive enough to get chosen. Very few ask how to actually love, as if it were a skill worth practicing. He also separates the rush of falling in love from the quieter work of staying in it, and most of us only ever trained for the first part.
For the women I work with, this lands hard, because so much of their energy goes into being worthy of love and so little into their own capacity to give and receive it.
Reflection: Have you spent more time trying to be lovable than learning how to love?
Note: Love is a practice long before it's something you find.
Until next week!
P.S. Are you ready to break the pattern that’s kept you single or stuck, and finally take control of your love life again? Apply now for the ‘Becoming Her’ Mastermind… spots are kept intentionally small to ensure direct support, so don't wait to reserve yours.
👉 Start your 'Becoming Her' Mastermind application here
